just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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