We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
