I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
