you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
