Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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