Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
