idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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