so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
