Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
