can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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