I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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