Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
