So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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