the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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