I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
