so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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