you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
