Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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