don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
