I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
