I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
