someone threw a dead crab at me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
