Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
