dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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