Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
