and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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