you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
