I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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