Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
