so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
the liver wants what the liver wants
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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