what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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