Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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