I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
