we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
