My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
