So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
