So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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