Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
