If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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