I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
