If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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