Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
