Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
