You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
