I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You pole danced in your parka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
