Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drake has all the answers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize