I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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