John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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