why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
