your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
