Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
