Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
