peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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