Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
