Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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