ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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