Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
