normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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