I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
