I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
