I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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