awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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