Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
