i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
