I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
