You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize