I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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