He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
