This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
