dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
