Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
