areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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