the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
