I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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