it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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