She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
